Bed Bugs: A True Story

Contrary to what you may think, this story has absolutely nothing to do with bed bugs. Only with a bed that bugs. You know. Something that annoys you.

Dark and early this morning. (Why do they say 'bright and early?' Everyone knows early mornings are always dark. Morning starts at midnight. Seriously!)

So, dark and early this morning, I awakened. No, not with a start. I awakened gradually. About the time I was half awake, I realized that something was terribly out of place. (There's a pun there, but you won't get it until I tell you the rest.) Since it was early, I didn't exactly want to be awake. But, since I didn't know exactly what was wrong, I woke up all the way so I could figure it out. That wasn't too hard. All I had to do was turn over to realize that my sheets, instead of being nicely stretched out over the entirety of my bed, were piled up at my face. (See! I told you something was out of place!)

I thrash a lot, so this is relatively normal. However, I usually don't wake up all the way unless I'm cold. Since certain people had turned the heater up to 70, this was not a problem. I sadly turned over once again with the realization that it had not been necessary to wake up since I wasn't going to get up and fix it right then since I wasn't cold.  (Long sentence) As an aside, every time I wash my sheets I attempt to make my bed in a new way in a hopeless attempt to make sure my sheets remain tucked in properly. It never works.

Anyway, you may think that's the end of the story. But there's more.

You see, this evening, I finally got around to doing the inevitable job of completely remaking my bed. Why didn't I do it earlier? I was hoping I could wash them. Unfortunately, there wasn't time since Tuesday is laundry day. So, not only did I have the sad task of fixing my bed from scratch, I didn't even get any benefits out of it. In fact, there were only more disappointments.

What disappointments? I like my bed to be neat, but because my room is a disaster at the moment, I was unable to access my bed from the correct angle necessary to make my bed neat. (Another long sentence.) In order to access my bed in such a manner, I would have had to move at least four different piles of *things.*

What did I do? I made a lazy choice that I'm quite sure I'll be sorry for tomorrow morning. Instead of moving the piles and tucking in the sheets properly, I didn't move the piles and therefore did not tuck in my sheets. My bed is sloppy right now. And I wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow morning I woke up to the same exact problem.

Moral of the story:  1: Don't thrash in bed and your sheets will remain tucked in. (On the other hand, they last longer since you're never in the same place twice) and 2: If you do thrash, keep your room clean (it wasn't my stuff) so that you can have direct access to every angle of your bed.